man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Still dying that you shit outside
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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