Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
