how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
