Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
