is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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