my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
