He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
