Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
