I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
