she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
