i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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