i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
