that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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