i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
