Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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