Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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