She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
