Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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