Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
