Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
