my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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