guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
