is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
now i know why i became what i already was.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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