would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
