We need to rekindle our bromance
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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