Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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