make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
