I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
