I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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