i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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