Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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