I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
