dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
