I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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