I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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