i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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