I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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