How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
