I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
