There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
