Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
