you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
