these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
