you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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