Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
worst night to have a conscience
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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