I want to make a zoo with you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
