I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
