I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
