Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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