I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
