somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
