We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
